Welcome to Dream Interpretation for Dummies, where Dear Abby meets Native Americana. Come to the campfire, peer into the yawning grave, and take a dive into the collective subconscious… or maybe just explore some weird clown imagery. We’ll wait for you here.
Howdy Note: This dream has been very lightly edited. Everything you are about to read has already happened, is happening, will happen…
Another Howdy Note: SPECIAL GUEST DREAM! Okay, that’s all. Follow Fran (she/they) on Instagram here.
Dear Howdy,
My dear friend — someone I know really well and go on vacay with but also look up to and is a mentor to me sometimes — asked me to host his birthday party. I agreed to it, and he gave me the oddly specific request of having spa water at the party — like those coolers of water with mint, cucumbers, lemon, etc. I have no idea why.
I went to Jewel Osco (a grocery store in Midwestern suburbs where I grew up) and got a huuuuuge barrel of it. It was too big honestly to carry alone but I was trying to by holding it in front of me while I walked, but I couldn't really see where I was going and all of a sudden I was on a football field where a live, local football game was taking place with a whole arena watching. Everyone was screaming at me to get off the field and I was so embarrassed, but it wasn't even my fault!
I tried to run with the barrel but I just ended up spilling spa water everywhere, players running around me as the game played. This horrible announcer man was chastising me from the mic and goading the crowd all, "Get him off the field! What is this guy doing?!" I remember feeling angry and upset about it because I felt like I was being perceived as male by him and the entire crowd that was now screaming at me. I threw the barrel, spilling it everywhere, and ran away. I could see my own self on the jumbotron, running away pursued by football players, and in my head I knew that this footage was being broadcast somewhere and that people were taking videos of me and probably posting them on Twitter already. I was able to hide somewhere, but after some time I realized the only way I could get back home was through the field again.
I tried sneaking back around the game's perimeter, but the second I jumped the fence and encroached the field the announcer guy spotted me, "And he's back ladies and gentlemen, back to ruin the game," etc. This time fans flooded the field along with the players, everyone surrounding me, jeering at me, and boxing me in so I couldn't leave. I started crying, "Please just let me go." "I just wanna go home!" And out of nowhere Ja'mie High School Girl was there and she pulled me through the crowd and saved me. (Side note: I hate that show and the comedian so I didn't really want to go home with her but it felt like my only option.) I thought she was gonna take me home but I soon realized she actually took me to her place where she was setting up cameras to interview me in character to exploit my football flub for viral content. I stood up and started to leave but she chased me and physically kicked me out of her apartment and into the street. Then I woke up!
xx,
Fran Tirado
Dear Fran,
Thank you for the gift of your dream. I don’t know about your place in the world, but rural Oklahoma is currently Satan’s swampy, sweltering armpit. It’s probably not even that hot, but to summon the strength for interpretation/taking my vitamin D supplements/hanging out with my elderly aunt, I have to sit in front of my window unit for at least ten minutes, usually sighing heavily. It’s a real drag, but this isn’t.
Now (sweating) into your dream we go: It’s always comforting to have a steady, present figure in Dreamland with us. It’s a reminder of life outside this encapsulation we find ourselves in. At first, the spa water is just a way to get you from point A (the beginning) to point B (everything else). I want there to be a deeper meaning to it, because how fun would that be? But sometimes things are just things — static characters and stepping stones. They say everything is a sign if you can read it, but who are they really?
It’s the Jewel Osco that signals to us that this dream is deeply rooted in past shames and heartbreaks. There is nothing that speaks of queer childhood (if we are even allowed one) than a hometown grocery store. You are carrying this burden alone, and it is blinding you to what is happening around you. You suddenly find yourself in the middle of a masculine frenzy, where everyone is angry, very angry, at you for disrupting the status quo. You try to escape but there is no mercy to be found. Your spa water is now more than a static object, it’s a very feminine drink, and it is splashing, trying to soak into the ground and root there until it is finally discarded because of fear, a need to escape. Then, you are wrongly coded as being a man, something that anyone, if they would allow themselves to truly look, would never accuse you of. There is another undercurrent here, one just as troubling, about surveillance. Being a public figure, you are no stranger to the ways in which your body/person is perceived, and this has had a lasting effect on you. Still, you must persevere, even if it means putting yourself back into the limelight that frightens you.
You try to sneak away, to hide, but there is no way to go quietly. This is a gift, truly, but can be a bane in the right (or wrong) circumstances. You are vibrant and dynamic — there will always be a crowd, though hopefully not a screaming mob, surrounding you and wanting answers. It is up to you to decide whether to give them, even if it doesn’t feel like much of a choice, even if it feels suffocating.
I am especially interested in “Ja'mie High School Girl” and what she is saying about the mockery of your gender expression by those with a toxically masculine point of view. As far as I can tell, a cis male comedian’s portrayal of “Ja'mie High School Girl” is in no way connected to trans livelihood or liberation so it is in that vein I will conduct my interpretation of her. You don’t want to go with this wrongful caricature of femininity, but you have to. We are given so few options in this life, even the ones that aren't so good might be the only ones we can take. “Ja'mie High School Girl,” and people like her, don’t have your best interests at heart and can never understand the truest parts of you, so don’t give those parts up, even if it feels like salvation. This is a warning, I think. Be very mindful in the coming months of all that you have accomplished, and the leverage that gives you. If you are feeling so-so about something, don’t do it, especially if it is in your power to refuse. Only accept things that bring good feelings, excitement, and the like. In this way, you cannot go wrong.
I hope this helped. I hope you are having a very fruitful Pride. I’m sending you a dream of a swollen creek. It is clear and wide. You think you see something magical in the distance, but you don’t need to know for sure.
See you on the other side,
Sad Boy Howdy
P.S. from a Dreamer! "Turns out that 'other people's dreams are boring' is a total lie, and Howdy is here to dispel it with the most fascinating, existential truths." — Ann Friedman
Fancy a trip to Dreamland, pardner? Send your best to sadboyhowdy@gmail.com!
this was sooo good