Image from my high school Tumblr account
Hello, hello:
I’ve been gone for a long time, haven’t I, friends? In the woods, of course. Of course.
I’ve been there before, of course, metaphorically, figuratively, literally. The first time, I limped out, barely. I took what was left of me and pieced it together, but I was changed, deep down in my bones and tendons. Shaken, yes, but also more sure than ever.
I didn’t mean to take so much time away, but time passes differently there. The first time felt like a hundred years, a thousand. The seasons changed and the sun traversed the sky but when I came back, no one asked where I had been.
This time…
There’s just so much of this life of the flesh, and it’s so overwhelming, I’m still not used to it, even after all these years. Add the desk job, and well, here you have it. That said, I’ve missed you. I’ve been thinking of you. I have.
I’m not sure what I expected from this experiment we set out on together. I knew that dear Ann’s influence would be invaluable, but truly, how successful could I expect to be — me, this half-alive thing, from where I’m from, all this in my head?
Well. Don’t they say expect the unexpected? I was warned by a talented, prolific seer that things would begin to bloom, and that I should prepare myself, but I didn’t know how. I’m still not sure I do. But here we are, still alive, still dreaming.
And we push onward, together.
So, here’s a non-exhaustive list of things I’ve been up to lately. I hope you’ll let me know what you think.
Planting Tobacco While the Ancestors Laugh, or A writer's recollection about attempting to grow tobacco (and failing) after moving back to her hometown, on the reservation, into her dead father's haunted house.
Dreams about: spiders, alligators, bears, being chased, drowning, snakes, teeth, death, pregnancy, and exes for The Cut.
Alongside that, expect a dream in your inbox next week. It is a deadline I’m holding myself to. Despite my feelings of mediocrity and stagnancy… the only way out is through. I have felt spiritually depleted, but I must reach. I must push. I must.
Thank you for your understanding, your readership, for all of it.
Yours,
Howdy
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Fancy a trip to Dreamland, pardner? Send your best to sadboyhowdy@gmail.com!
Good to have you back, Howdy :)