Welcome to Dream Interpretation for Dummies, where Dear Abby meets Native Americana. Come to the campfire, peer into the yawning grave, and take a dive into the collective subconscious… or maybe just explore some weird clown imagery. We’ll wait for you here.
Howdy Note: I have a Patreon now. Also, I’ve made the difficult decision to offer subscriptions to this newsletter (will add more info/goodies later). THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NO PRESSURE TO SUBSCRIBE, but this helps support more readings, more (hopefully) wisdom, and me! But the dreams, Dreamers, will always, always remain free.
P.S. Both options come with the same benefits, I just wanted to make it as easy as possible for you to sign-up!
Dear Dreamers,
Writing has been a struggle lately. Everything has, really. I’m not sure this has one root cause, though the deep sadness that has followed me my entire life might be a good place to start the search. That and I am still adjusting to my new space, to the fears that threaten to consume my dreams. I worry about money and everything tastes like ash in my mouth, even honey. I worry about money in the morning. In the afternoon. In the evening. I grew up poor so this is nothing new, but my worries have taken on a screaming, anxious pitch. They refuse to be ignored. Even though I feel like I work, even in my sleep. I know this isn’t a novel feeling, nor is it a particularly articulate one, yet —
Each night, I close my eyes, and give myself over to them. My dreams have become nightmares, long and strange. In them, I am trapped in my father’s house, in the shadows, in the woods, in — eventually I wake up gasping, or screaming. But let’s not talk about that now. Let’s not.
I don’t write this to burden you, or to make you feel pity, but simply to say – you may be working hard on a spiritual journey or on something that feels ordained or something so important to you it consumes, but we all get weary, even those who seem like they have one or more answers. You can feel that weariness and still be on the right path. We’re here. I understand. I do.
So, let me tell you a story. It could be true. Or it couldn’t. I don’t think it matters much for our purposes.
When you were younger than you are now you walked into the woods, intending to not come out again, or, if you did find a way out, to come out changed, down to the marrow of your bones. What you experienced there did indeed change you, but not in any way you can quantify in mere words. Oh, words. Those things you considered your greatest gift, so they were the very first things taken from you. At night, on the ground, you thought of your soft bed, your warm blankets. How long has it been? It felt like a hundred years, a thousand. When the ghosts came too close, the spirits of the land, the — you closed your eyes and stroked your own hair with a shaking hand. You thought you knew fear intimately, you thought —
Somewhere in the future, something pulsed, bright and blinding. And you —
Such is the nature of this work, though not all of it. Not all of it. Though it is, in fact, work. It takes effort, breath, energy. I would rather do nothing else. In a different world, perhaps that would be the truth, that I would get to do nothing else. But here we are, and I am glad we are together.
Thanks for indulging me, even if they are just mystic murmurs.
This week, here is what is for us:
We have to surrender to the present. This is a recurring theme for us, but it’s important. We must surrender to the present, to what it is lying at our feet, for the troubles it seems to throw at us. We release ourselves from the trap in this way. The only way out is through, the poets say.
Slow and steady wins the race! This is a time of being disheartened and discouraged for many of us, myself included. The work may feel thankless, but those who need to are paying attention. Just you wait!
We crave crystal clarity, but it so rarely comes. This time, though, it is time to reap what we have sown and heed to those voices calling us. Let us put good energy out.
As always, take what you need from this. If you, like me, have been feeling listless this week, know that good things ARE coming, will come. Even if it’s when you’re lying in bed, take some time to let yourself feel the feelings that have rocked their way through you lately. Thank them for what they have taught you, and let them go. Or, if you need to, hold them a little closer. Hold yourself a little closer, too.
All my love, and see you on the other side,
Howdy
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at this point in my life, i don’t crave clarity. I crave what I think we all hope comes from clarity - relief. Living in poverty, worrying about money is worrying about our survival. It’s questioning the kindness of the universe that we are choosing to be apart of but because of human laws and conventions is running us down, chasing us out. Relief that the world is still kind comes in so many forms. Thank you for your words. I feel relief in your paracompany.
Mmm that marrow-deep weariness that spreads when neglected. It begs to be witnessed and soothed. Learning how to care for it (my tired shadow bits) without over-indulging or wallowing has been a harder exploration. Intuition is often my safest guide.